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28 coolest super powers – 7-1

7. Super strength

You don’t have to work out to get that hot bod, just get super strength (muscles and hot bods go together, just look at all the super heroes).  On top of that, you can lift your car.  Don’t worry about parallel parking, just place your car in the spot.  And if there’s a no parking sign, just lift it out of the ground and move it some where else.  See, there’s lots of great real-world applications for super strength.

Examples: Superman, Hulk, Thing

brain 6. Super intelligence

Ok, take this one to the extreme.  This is like, any language you hear, you instantly understand.  Or you can invent time machines out of coffee cans (even MacGyver failed there).  You could solve every unsolved mystery in the galaxy.  So many you won’t do all that yourself, but having a nice 400 I.Q. or something could make for some profitable endeavors.  Think of yourself as Bill Gates time a million.  Yeah, being smart might have sucked during grade school, but once you’ve made that first million, the suits and sluts will be lining up.  Or sluts in suits, whatever you’re into.

Examples: Braniac 5, Mister Fantastic

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28 coolest super powers – 14-8

14. Bullet proof/invulnerability

From a punch to the face to falling out of a plane, you just can’t get hurt.  They might say no pain, no gain, but who really cares about that.  Pain sucks.  You might not be able to peak anyone up, but if someone tries to hurt you, you can just laugh in their face.  Think of it as the make-high-school-easier power.

Examples: Superman

13. Duplication

Calvin and Hobbes, from Universal Press Syndicate

More of anything. You.  Money.  Your girl/boyfriend.  Yup, easy as that.

Examples: Multiple Man, Multiple Man, Multiple Man

12. Control machines

Windows Blue Screen of Death, from Microsoft

Does it feel like your computer hates you?  Will the washing machine never shut up?  Do you want your toaster to dance?  If you could talk to them, maybe they’d listen.  This uber-science-fictiony power could let you control the internet or just keep your refrigerator quiet, but both applications sound pretty awesome.  You’ll never worry about bandwidth again or not having the right tool for the job.  Hell, with enough skill, you could make your cellphone play PSP games.  What, we’re talking about make believe here, work with me.

Examples: Mayor Hundred (Ex Machina)

11. Regeneration

Jump off buildings, shoot yourself, or cut off an arm – it’ll hurt – but you’ll be just fine.  It might be cool to never get hurt, but it’s even cooler to just regrown everything.  Regeneration let’s you have some fun with life without worrying about silly things like death.  Regeneration isn’t simply invulnerability.  You can technically get hurt, but it doesn’t last.  Everything heals.  Even old age.  Maybe you’ll die at some point from old age (really, really, really old age), but nothing around can really do permanent damage to you (though you’re not technically immortal).  To life free and crazy.  No day can be your last.

Examples: Wolverine, Claire (Heroes), Adam Monroe (Heroes)

10. Time Travel

Want to see the dinosaurs?  Or maybe have lunch with with Leonardo Da Vinci.  Or better yet, invest a couple of bucks in Microsoft during its infancy.  Yeah, have some laughs, make a few million.  It’s all good.  The biggest downside to this power is just how risky it is changing time.  You don’t want to end up in a world where everyone’s a doughnut.  Or do you?

Examples: Hiro (Heroes)

teleportation 9. Teleportation

If you’ve ever run late, had a crappy commute, or been stuck in traffic, you can understand how awesome teleportation would be.  With a thought you could be somewhere else.  Wake up five minutes before work and then just snap your fingers to appear at your desk early.  Want to take a long lunch? Teleport in and out with no one the wiser.  Forgot Grandma’s Christmas present? Just teleport home and back, a real life hero.  Teleporting earns its spot for the fringe benefits.  You might not easily win the lottery (though stealing stuff and teleporting away is doable) or get laid, but you’ll have so much more time not traveling, you can learn to play an instrument (to win over the ladies/men) or play the stock market (also to win over the ladies/men).  Or to really impress them, teleport past bouncers and guards to get into exclusive clubs/concerts or movie premieres.  Make yourself look like one of the social elite and many someone will actually fall for it.

Examples: Nightcrawler

8. Flight

Possibly the most romantic super-power of all.  Yes, we all remember Superman flying with Lois, but flying is romantic not just as an aphrodisiac.  It’s the idea of soaring in the sky, with total freedom – no boundaries.  This power will not provide you wealth or women but you’ll have the thrill of your life.  Plus, avoiding the traffic to work is always a plus.

Examples: Superman


28 coolest super powers – 21-15

Dr. Dolittle, 20th Century Fox 21. Talk to animals

You’ll feel like an idiot the first couple of times, but you can be a living Dr. Dolittle.  And while there’s many better things to do than be a veterinarian, talking to animals would lead to some amazing conversations…I expect.  Find out why dogs sniff each others’ butts, what do cows think of being tipped over, do horses like being ridden, and why does my cat hate me.  All these answers can be yours to share with the world…and then have them call you insane.  But it’d still be cool.  Plus, it’s a lot easier to teach your dog to use the toilet if you know how to say toilet in dog.

Examples: Dr. Dolittle

20. Walk through walls

Never worry about losing your keys again.  This simple power allows you to avoid all those annoying solid objects in the world.  Perfect for simply getting out of a crowded room (just walk through everyone) to the less moral bank robbery (reach your hand into any locked case).

Examples: Shadowcat

19. Illusion

We always try to fool our parents and friends with pillows in the bed or feigning sickness, but now you can fool them all without fail.  Make anything from your imagination come to reality and let it fool everyone around.  Make people think you’re wearing Armani or get rid of that pimple.  You could be totally naked with no hair and no one would no.  Joke’s on them.

Examples: Mastermind

18. Manipulate molecules

Think of this as telekinesis on the microscopic level.  Instead of moving objects with your mind, you’re just moving molecules.  So maybe you’ll have to study physics a bit, but this can be a pretty powerful power.  Rearrange molecules to make new, twisted objects or maybe even chemicals.  Beats actually cooking, just mix the flour and sugar together to make your cookies.  There’s probably other applications, but when there’s cookies, who cares?

Examples: Molecule Man

X-Ray glasses, from Amazon.com 17. X-Ray

Pick between door #1 and #2.  Now it’s not a guess, cause you can see what’s behind both.  So maybe this power works best on game shows, but there are other, naughtier applications for x-ray vision and the like.  Don’t tell me you haven’t imagined it.  I want to help diagnosis broken bones too.  Seriously.

Examples: Superman, X-ray glasses from comic books

16    Control weather

If you hate the rain and prefer 73 degrees, controlling the weather might be just for you.  If you want to skip work, call for a snow storm.  If you’re going the beach, make sure it’s sunny and warm.  Want the leaves cleared away?  Just call for a gust of wind.

Examples: Storm

15. See the future

You won’t get hit by the speed car cause you’ll see it coming.  At the same time you’ll make millions playing the stock market.  Sure some of the surprise in life will be gone, but risk and no reward is just no fun.

Examples: Destiny


28 coolest super powers – 28-22

This week Prodigeek highlights the 28 coolest super powers to have. These are super powers that can make your life better – easier to get fame, fortune, and fellatio. These powers also can just make your life easier.  Embarrassing side effects like turn blue are looked down upon (it hurts the fellatio…some of the time). So start hanging around nuclear test sites so you can have your very own cool super power.

Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors, from Warner Bros. 28. Control plants

It sounds corny, but think about how many plants there are.  Yeah, they’re everywhere.  There’s some limited application, but with some creative planning (and interior decorating) you can make your home a self-sufficient cleaning and producing machine.  Keep your yard stocked with fruits and veggies, make the vines paint your house, and keep a giant Venus fly trap around for security.  You’ll feel silly doing it, but it’ll be worth it.

Examples: Poison Ivy

27. Super agility

Jump 50 feet, do the limbo 10 inches off the floor, and bounce off walls like Daffy Duck.  Yes, the you can enjoy the acrobatic finesse of a trapeze artist or gymnast without all the sweat and toil and practice.  Sure this isn’t as glamorous as super strength, but think about all those kick-ass fighting games.  How fun are the tiny agile characters.  Yeah, the girls, but there were guys too.  And they were fun.  In an androgynous sort of way.  Still, agility is fun.

Examples: Spider-Man

26. Super senses

You can hear, see, touch, taste, and feel, flawlessly.  Ok, so maybe there’s some negatives (bad smells smell worse), but on the plus side, you can listen into any conversation in your office and help spread the gossip.  Or read the newspaper by feeling the ink raised on the paper (that’s what Daredevil does).  Super senses sounds silly, and always sniffing the air will make you look silly, but there’s still some fun to be had.  You wanna be like Wolverine don’t you?

Examples: Wolverine, Daredevil

Poker, form http://ur.rutgers.edu/medrel/images/poker.jpg 25. Probability control

So this may stink for fighting crime, but it rocks at playing craps.  Yes, don’t worry about that 1,000 to 1 shot cause with a snap of your fingers, it can be a sure thing.  Want to make that straight flush in Vegas.  No problem.  Any bets will be an easy win for you.  And to really impress your friends, mess with the probabilities to make your favorite win American Idol.  Yeah, that’ll show ’em.

Examples: Scarlet Witch

24. Immortality

So living past all your loved one might suck, but there are some pluses like never worrying about dying.  Yup, living forever can just be pretty damn fun.  You can travel the world, have ever experience, and never worry about filling each day as if it’s your last.

Examples: Duncan MacLeod (Highlander)

23. Control metal

Think of this as specialized telekinesis.  Move cars, planes, and dog collars with the power of your mind.  If you’re really powerful, you can even control the iron in people’s blood.  Yeah, get that blood rushing in all the right places.  You might have some limitations on your powers (you can only control metal, remember), but that’s a ton of stuff.  So don’t worry.  Be happy.

Examples: Magneto

22. Shoot elements/control elements

Human Torch, from 20th Century Fox

This is kind of a catch-all for being able to manipulate fire or water or air or earth.  Having all would obviously kick more ass, but let’s assume for the sake of this list that you only get one element, like the Human Torch or Iceman.  Different elements have different awesomeness about them from being able to warm yourself when it’s cold (or cool yourself in the heat), splash people in the face, and more.  It takes some creativity to makes these powers help your daily life – they’re much better for super heroing, but offer such a range of skills.

Examples: Human Torch, Iceman, Hydro Man, Terra


7 super-heroes lives worth living

Many of us dream of being our favorite super-hero, from living the exciting adventuring life to having kick-ass super powers.  We forget, though, how much being these characters sucks.  Most of them have died multiple times (Mr. Fantastic).  Some have tragic, depressing, haunting lives (Batman) that just keep getting worse and worse (Daredevil).  Some heroes can’t get a date because they’re pathetic (Spider-Man) or ugly (Nightcrawler).  This list weighs all the pros and cons, from great powers and fringe benefits to number of times dead, of literally living the life, continuity blips and all, of major super heroes to find out the lives most worth living.

iron_man_movie 7. Iron Man

He’s an alcoholic with major father issues and shrapnel in his chest.  But he does have billions of dollars and lots of women to sleep with. That means it’s easy to cure the syphilis I’m sure he gets on a regular basis.  Tony Stark’s life offers the best toys, cars, and women money can buy, but you’ll have to spend every few months in rehab or rebuilding your business from scratch.  There’s also your teenage version from an alternate future who replaces you at least once, but that’s no biggie – everyone just things you got plastic surgery to look younger and even more fabulous.

6. Flash (Wally West)

This is the simple life in fast forward.  You have a sweet wife and adorable twins with super speed (ouch).  Of course you died recently and had the entire world mind-wiped to forget your secret identity, but everything is pleasant now, repelling alien invasions and teaming up with the Justice League just like you always wanted to as a child (when you were Kid Flash, remember).  But now you’ve got the wife, two kids, and super duper speed.  It’s the American Dream.

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7 greatest fictional graduates of University of Chicago

Classes begin this week this at my place of graduate studies, the University of Chicago. To celebrate my upcoming year of paying to work harder than when I was paid to work, I’m praising the many fictional graduates of this fine institution. So if/when I fail out, we’ll know which fake people are smarter than me (let’s remember Cameron Diaz from My Best Friend’s Wedding graduated in a major that doesn’t even exist here).

7. Kitty Pryde

University of Chicago isn’t so bad. Apparently it’s better than a night out with Magneto.  The walking-through-walls mutant member of the X-Men spent some time away from super heroics at the University. Unfortunately her powers were not enough to make X-Men 3 a good movie.

6. Hal

Wunderkind mathematician Hal made quite a name for himself during his days at the University, long before appearing in the play and film Proof.  Of course, like most students here, he ended up suffering mental problems after leaving and struggled to accomplish anything else.  So he turned to theater. That U of C degree really opens doors.

5. Richard Kimble

Renown vascular surgeon Richard Kimble graduated from University of Chicago and made sure to visit like all good alumni. Kimble actually spent some time at the University’s science library, John Crerar, in his big screen Fugitive, as he tried to find the truth behind his wife’s murder. Now that’s a helpful library.

4. Brandon Shaw and Philip Morgan

Two murderers might not be the ideal representatives for a respected research institution, but creative murders have to deserve some credit.  Brandon Shaw and Philip Morgan starred in the Alfred Hitchcock movie The Rope based on University of Chicago students Leopold and Loeb. So technically the characters aren’t even U. of C. students – the real murders are. Best to avoid those classes.

3. Jack McCoy

New York City’s newest District Attorney and long time Executive Assistant District Attorney Jack McCoy brings Law and Order on an hourly basis across almost half a dozen TV stations.  His aggressive, bend the rules for justice gives all ethical standards come finals time.

2. Harry and Sally

The love duo known for late night phone calls and picky eating habits began their life on the steps of the University.  After both completing years of learning, the two drove to New York City and began their hilarious two hour life together.

indiana_jones_academic 1. Indiana Jones

Talk about the perfect graduate. He’s a super smart action hero with a kick-ass whip and a sexy smile.  Not the most common combination on campus in a student, let alone an archaeology professor. It’s good to have something to aspire to.


7 best games of October

Last year, video game companies gave us plenty to be thankful for in November. To keep gamers on their toes, this year publishers are padding the months of October with the biggest collections of AAA game releases. In fact, I could make a top 7 list for the week of the 20th alone.  So get advances on your paychecks and allowances because you don’t want to wait ’till the holidays for these games.

rise_of_the_argonauts 7. Rise of the Argonauts

This innovative new action RPG professes several impressively immersive features, from a near-HUD-less screen to realistic combat where stabbing once is all your need. Playing as Jason, the player pilots the mythological Argo ship in search of the Golden Fleece, teaming up with Hercules and different Greek Gods while fighting hordes of monsters and God of War extras. Cool tech demos have disappointed before (looking at you Force Unleashed), but Argonauts looks to keep gameplay just as important. Fingers crossed.

6. Far Cry 2

The sequel to 2004’s critically acclaimed shooter, Far Cry 2 aims to push open-world games and graphics cards to the next-generation. Set in a huge African wilderness, players employ tons of weapons, gadgets, vehicles, and skills to play a part in the war-torn region.

5. Fable 2

It’s hard to trust Peter Molyneux. His games are great but so over hyped they seem bad on release.  After ignoring everything he says, Fable II looks like an engaging fantasy adventure with a real emphasis on that fable_2role-playing we always forget about.  Local and online co-op and some of the funniest achievements yet (Chicken kicker and Hunter are my top priority) are features even Molyneux has yet to spoil for me.

4. Resistance 2

8 player online campaign. 60 player war zones. And Starbuck. Insomniac’s pushing PS3 capabilities with some features and exciting gameplay.  Assuming the online powerhouse pulls through, Resistance 2 could be the online shooting king for the holiday season. Sorry Gears, November’s just too late.

3. Dead Space

EA’s pushing a new franchise without Sims in the name. Shockingly it looks amazing. This sci-fi horror survival game looks gorgeous with an equally intriguing story and some exciting gameplay ideas that make my thumbs twitch.

2. Fallout 3

Gamers once again emerge from the Vault with a mission and Pip-Boy.  The Elder Scroll mavens at Bethesda apply their open-world know how to this first/third person RPG. The team creates an apocalyptic Washington DC (which will be disturbingly pleasing in this political climate) filled with mutants, giant insects, and your destiny. Plus, the game’s really bloody, so yay.

1. LittleBigPlanet

Certain to be the cutes game of the year, LittleBigPlanet offers too much awesome not be camping out in front of GameStop right now. First, there’s a lengthy campaign filled with physics-powered plaforming goodness and co-op slapping contests. After you finish the 12 plus hours, there’s the most impressive set of creation tools in console gaming history built right in, allowing you to build all the penis shaped-levels you can dream up and share with the world. This means never-ending hours of levels to play, build, and share. And let’s not forget Sackboy. Maybe I’m just a sucker for sadistic cuteness.

Honorable mentions

I did say this month was huge. Here are more games to keep your eyes out for:

Motorstorm: Pacific Rim

Spider-Man: Web of Shadows (It looks like it might be good, but don’t hold your breath)

Wii Music (I fear it like a sneezing child near a salad bar, but Nintendo seems to think video games are better without a challenge)

Guitar Hero World Tour

Legendary

Saints Row 2

Golden Axe: Beast Rider

Fracture


7 best super-hero siblings

Annoying brothers and sisters affect even the greatest heroes and villains of comic book world.  These pairs (and quartet) of spandex wearing freaks make sibling rivalry a moral lesson for us all, and page filler until the next battle.  These are the siblings worth watching fight and frolic, no matter the awkwardness.

7. Starmen, Jack and David Knight

The original Starman, Ted Knight, had two loving sons with different take’s on their father’s career choice. David quickly followed his father into super heroics while Jack looked down on the colorful profession. After their father’s old foe, the Mist, murdered David did Jack take over the Starman mantle. With the Cosmic Staff and a pair of goggles, Jack Knight fought crime with the annual assistance of his brother’s ghost, who imparted wisdom from the beyond to help Jack foil the doers of evil.

northstar_aurora 6. Northstar and Aurora

Canadian super-siblings Northstar and Aurora spent most of their youth separated after their parents’ death. The two coincidently reunited as members of Canadian super-team Alpha Flight, discovering they earn bonus super powers when in physical contact. When the two touched, they emitted a beam of light that made people feel happy and peaceful. How sweet. The power didn’t work on themselves, however, since they had a falling out leading Aurora to augment her powers so she never needed to touch her gay brother again. Homophobe.

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7 coolest vehicles to own

segway

7. Vespa

These cute motored scooters seem innocent, but an imaginative geek can turn the modest exterior into an exciting ride of their life.  We might not all pull a Jason Bourne, but it’s worth a try.

6. Segway

The anti-climatic revoutionizer of personal transportation might not have changed the world, but it’s still damn fun to ride.

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7 best geek musicals

Superheroes, demons, and plants are not your standard musical subject matter, but for the unique genre of Geek Musicals, they are the C# to our A major chord.  Musicals dwell in a world of fantasy and disbelief that geeks are well versed in making the genres oddly compatible yet rarely recognized.  Here I highlight the 7 best geek musicals, judged on their subject matter, entertainment value, and quality of songs.  Only musicals with released performances, either on stage or film, were considered.  Each musical includes a musical video, so prepare to hum, laugh, and cry through the list of the Best Geek Musicals here at Geek Musical Week on Prodigeek.

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